These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts by Charles M. Sevilla, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying impassive while these exchanges were actually taking place.
>
>
> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
> WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
> WITNESS: My name is Susan!
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
>
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
>
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> WITNESS: I forget..
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ ____
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
> WITNESS: We both do.
> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
> WITNESS: We do.
> ATTORNEY: You do?
> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
>
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
> doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ____________ _________ _________ ______
>
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year- old, how old is he?
> WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ ____
>
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ __
>
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS: Getting laid.
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
>
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new
> attorney?
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
>
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS: By death..
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> WITNESS: Take a guess.
>
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
>
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
> ____________ _________ _________ _______
>
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
> notice which I sent to your attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> ____________ _________ _________ ________
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
> people?
> WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ __
>
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
> WITNESS: Oral.
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ __
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished..
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
> ____________ _________ _________ ________
>
> And the best for last:
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
> pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
> the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No..
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.Well I received this thru e-mail and even though I am not feeling alright on that time, it did made me feel good! I was laughing!!! The main reason that I put this on my boom blog is because I am planning to be a lawyer! And I...I do hope I wont be saying this things in court! Nyahaha!!!
So Jam's Exclamation Point of View...
on this e-mail about lawyers...
Yikes!
No comments:
Post a Comment